*groan*groan*groany*groan*groan*

School.

Not going well.

Where did I go wrong?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

So, today Easton woke up on his own. He had a small breakfast and asked to play. I said he could play for 2 minutes and then we'd go to school. He said he wanted to stay and play but didn't whine about it and when the timer went off he went and put on his shoes and went potty before leaving. No complaints.

The car ride was fine:




Walking in was fine, he wasn't even acting nervous or pouty. He said goodbye and went to huddle around Mrs. M and Chocolate the guinea pig who was out and ready for petting.

Dalton and I "left". I had a mostly good feeling. I peeked around the corner a few times to see, but Easton was doing fine. So then we left for real and Diddles and I headed to Wal-Mart for some organizational totes and a new throw for the couch. Then we drove through Starbucks (I had a LATE night last night). Diddles was a cutie as we waited for my mocha:




Then I decided to drive by the school...see if they were playing outside. They weren't. So we continued on to Dollar Tree. We got me a pair of Halloween socks and the trash bags we went for.

I decided to go back to the school. I was sure they'd be heading outside soon and I wanted to see (from afar) if Easton had any pals or just how things went. When he was telling me about Tuesday and said he swang I asked if he was pumping his legs or if someone was pushing him and he was like, "I swang by myself." And that made me feel sad. So I wanted to see. I admit, it's hard for me to just let go.

I emailed Kyla from my stake-out spot in the parking lot across the street from the school and admitted how pathetic I am. I had a good view for whenever they came out:


Kyla teased me for being a stalker. And when the kids came out I noticed Easton's body language wasn't looking exactly excited to be on the playground...I couldn't see his face well but I did see Mrs. M bending down to talk to him and then he wandered away. Alone. :(

I couldn't watch anymore. Plus Kyla was right, how scary am I? I did NOT have binoculars or anything, but yeah...I'm a wee bit mental. :) Dalton and I parked the car in front of the school where the normal parents park. And we went and played in the grass nearby. I could see the kids lining up if I wanted to, but I didn't want to be seen by Easton. However, I could hear E crying at that point. Dalton kept shouting, "Bubba! Bubba!" as he recognized the wails. So we had to leave so as not to be discovered. Tee Hee.

We went inside the school at that point. I could hear the kids coming down the hall to the class. Easton crying the whole time. Once they were safely back in their room for their felt board story the other parents and I congregated outside in the hall and looked in the window. Easton was paying attention and sitting like a normal kid and all. When they opened the door to start letting the kids go I couldn't hear him crying, but he turned around to see me and his face was still sad.

When they asked me who I was there for I said, "I'm Easton's mom" and Mrs. M said, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Uh oh.

So she sent E out and then all the other kids eventually left too. And we hung in the hall waiting for Mrs. M. She said she doesn't think he's ready for the full 3 hours next week and to pick him up an hour early. She said, "He'll get there. He's not the first kid I've had do this. He's the only one this year...so far...but he'll get there." She explained that he kind of built himself up to the point where he was, that every few minutes he'd come over to her and say, "Mommy" and that eventually he made himself cry.

She was like, "What do you think?" and I was like, "Well...is he being really distracting?" and she said, "We're kind of ignoring the crying." And I said, "Are all the kids ignoring him too?" and she said, "Yeah, they're kind of getting tired of hearing the crying." :( I told her I wished I could find a way to help him make some friends. He LOVES other kids and I think that would help him, but if he's gonna cry all the darned time I wouldn't want to be around him either.

So, next week I'll be the only parent picking my kid up early. The only parent who's kid is so poorly adjusted that when I drop him off he's fine (even with other kids upset) but after awhile breaks down instead of the other way around. The only parent who has to speak up when the other parents in the hall go, "I hear someone crying" and I get to exclaim, "Yeah, that's my kid!"

When we walked out to the car Easton said, "I don't want to go to school anymore."

When I buckled him in I said, "Hey, you've got tears on your cheeks" and he said, "That's because I don't like school."

Then he told his baby, "Dalton, next time, I'm going to stay! I'm not going to school anymore." Uh, yeah you are.

I tried to talk to him about his day.

Me: Did you go to the potty?
E: Yeah, I hadded to.

Me: What was your snack today? Let me guess...graham cracker and apple juice!
E: Nooooooooooooo...Cheez Its!
Me: How many did you have?
E: I didn't eat.
Me: Why not?
E: Because I was crying and crying.
Me: Why were you crying and crying?
E: Because I missed you.
Me: But, Mommy always comes back, right?
E: Right!

Me: What works did you do today?
E: I did the one with the food.

Me: Hey Easton, did you do on the playground?
E: *nods yes*
Me: What'd you do?
E: I fwinged.
Me: You swinged? (I really don't think he swang...at least not when I was spying.) Did you play with any friends?
E: Yeah.
Me: Who?
E: I don't know yet.


This is so hard. It makes me question not sending him to a more play-focused preschool where maybe they'd make friends easier? It makes me wonder if somehow his prematurity and not being able to be held or touched much in the beginning has made him overcompensate and he can't stand to be apart from me because he missed out on two months of womb time?

It's frustrating to not know how to help him. We build up the idea of school and fun. That's he's lucky he gets to go. That we know he'll have fun. I hate making him do this. I know it's good for him, but I still feel so bad.

Anyhoo...our car needed an oil change after the trip to the mountains so the plan was always to go to the McDonald's next door "for more fun after you have fun at school!" The boys played for about 35 minutes and then Dalton began going table to table like a dog begging for "Nummy nummy!" People kept offering him fries but I can't have him taking food from strangers. So we got a chicken nugget meal to go. Our car wasn't quite ready and Dalton couldn't wait to dig in to the "Hot! Hot!"


Even Easton ate some fries this time!


He ate two nuggets when we got home. Dalton had to go straight to bed. He was getting so cranky. He'll have his lunch when he wakes up.

Okay. That's all I've got. Thanks for tuning in.

Over and out.